A New Beginning
by spencefan109
Summary: What do you do when theres nothing to build your life off of? Horrible summary, I know, but I can't do any better sorry. Rating may go up to Teen in later chapters for language. Chapter 5 up!
1. Chapter 1

just a little fiction idea that's been in my head for a while, Disclaimer: I DON"T OWN CRIMINAL MINDS

tell me if you would like for me to continue.

"_Choose one to die."A calm serene voice says. The sounds get dim. There's four clicks. There's words I can't understand, then,"I choose....Aaron Hotchner."_

"Wake up!" Marie's voice cuts through it all. My eyes fly open as I sit up.

I'm on her couch, breathing heavily and shaking.

"Another dream?"She asks, bur I'm already racing across the room to record it.

"Whats wrong Alex?"

"There was a name this time,"I frantically scribble across the piece of paper.

"Can you hack the police database?"If he was dead, he would be on file somewhere.

"Honey, I can hack the FBI."

"Do it, look up 'Aaron Hotchner'."

Her fingers fly across the keyboard.

"He works for the Behavior Analysis Unit, part of the FBI.....Stationed in Quantico Virginia, has a son, but oh!"

"What?!"

"His wife died. She was murdered by a serial killer he had been after. Hello!"

"What?"I ask again.

"Someones trying to get rid of me, hold on." Shes typing even faster then before. Multiple windows on her screen are opening and closing simultaneously.

Them a sigh of relief.

"I got him."

I sighed. How does she know how to do this stuff?

"Okay, Aaron Hotchner. Hes forty four years old, looks to be good friends with an Agent David Rossi."

"Get a his phone number and his unit's phone number then get out of their system."

"Sure thing sweetie."She smirks and calls out two phone numbers, which I write down even though I know I won't ever have to look at the piece of paper again.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed the phone. I pause. I don't know what I'm supposed to say if someone picks up.

"What do I say?"I ask Marie. She'll know.

"I need to speak to Aaron Hotchner. Just say what comes naturally.

I nod and swallow nervously.

"Relax, you're so tense."Marie pulled me into a hug as I punched in the unit number.

"This could be the most important phone call of my life."

Then someone picks up.  
"Jennifer Jareau, Behavior Analysis Unit."

When I speak, I try to alter my voice.

"I need to speak with Agent Aaron Hotchner."


	2. Chapter 2

If anyone wants to beta read this,Private Message me. chapters will slowly be updated for all my stories because I have two going on right now. ): Sorry.

Here it is:

_Two Months Earlier, E.P.O.V._

"_Hey Emily, we're going to stay behind for a the night, do you want to come?"Garcia asked. I nodded. I hadn't been out with just the two of them in a while._

"_Count me in."Reid said from the backseat._

"_You're already coming silly."Garcia and I smirked at him._

"_I am?"_

"_Yeah Reid, you are."_

"_Take a left here."He pointed at the stop light._

"_Why?"I asked as I turned onto 2nd street._

"_I know a place."He answered simply. How does he know a place in Texas? He lives in D.C. For God's sake._

"_Here?"I ask and gesture to the Olive Garden._

"_Yep." _

_Two Hours Later, E.P.O.V._

_All three of us were laughing as we left. I glanced behind me. Isn't that the guy from the hotel? I thought I saw him there earlier. I shrug it off as coincidence and continue talking to Reid and Garcia._

_Wham! My head explodes in pain. I fall to my knees clutching it with tears streaming in my eyes. There's a faint scream from somewhere around me. My head hurts! Why? Why does it hurt so bad?_

"_Emily, Reid! No!"Garcia's voice echoes in my ears until I can't even understand what she said. Why does it hurt so God damn much!?_

"_Miss, are you alright?"Someone touches my shoulder._

"_Help Garcia-"I break off. I writhe in agony on the ground. What could hit me that hard?_

_Chuck's Deli, Austin Texas, 5:37pm, E.P.O.V._

Why are you staying behind with Rossi? Are you just hoping you can find them in one night? They're gone Emily. Why can't you just accept that?I took in a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

"Emily?"Rossi asked quietly,"Are you okay?"

"No." My voice is an octave higher then it usually is. I wipe a tear off my cheek and look anywhere but at him.

"Emily, what happened to Reid and Garcia was not your fault." He said firmly.

"I should've gotten up."

"Stop it. He would've gotten them anyway." Rossi reasons.

"Its my fault they're dead." I wait for his response.

"They aren't dead. They are strong. They would've found a way."Rossi corrects me. I get up to leave then am shocked into silence. They're standing there at the cashier. Holding hands. Rossi whips out his cell phone.

"Emily, get them." He orders,but I'm already running towards them. Shock fills their eyes when I pull them into a hug and break down in tears. Thank God, thank God, thank God! Focus Emily! I pull away from them and wipe away the tears.

"Is he here?" Rossi asks. We scan the room for anyone out of place.

"Who?" Reid asks. He pushes Garcia behind him, as if trying to protect her,"I don't want any trouble, I just wanted a meal!"

He grips Garcia's hand even harder and backs away. Its as if they don't recognize us.

"Its Rossi and Emily." Rossi slowly approaches them.

"Rossi? David Rossi?" Garcia looked at him curiously.

"Yeah." Rossi answered.

"Is Aaron Hotchner alright?" Reid hurriedly questioned. He looked so scared, so afraid, so....confused.

"Hotch is fine, why?" I said. Why did he call Hotch 'Aaron Hotchner'?

"He told me to choose. The man with the calm voice. I choose him. He had a gun to my head, I had too." He looked down at the floor in shame. Choose? Oh God no. Not Tobias. That son of a bitch copied Tobias Hankel?

"Tobias can not hurt you. No one can." I slowly walk towards him and Garcia.

Morgan brushes past me quickly and pulls them both into hugs. He kisses Garcia on the forehead.

"Get away from me!" Garcia shouted and flinched behind Reid. Reid nudged her backwards behind himself.

"Garcia, what-"

"Get away from her!" Reid shouts and shoves Morgan away. A tiny flash of gold caught my eye. I looked at where it came from and stared. There was a wedding ring on each of their left hands. They're married to each other?! Now I was mad.

They faked a kidnapping so they could run away with together?

"Aaron, are you safe out in public?" Reid asked desperately, his eyes pleading for an answer.

"Reid, I'm fine. The doctor's need to check you out. Garcia can stay with you."

"My name is Marie and his is Alex!" Garcia yells. She then looks away shyly and they both back away more.

"Marie, Alex, I promise no one will hurt you if you come with us."J J steps forward and surprisingly they don't back away.

"Marie stays with me." Reid said and then let the medical team come forward. Morgan is pacing by the front door. I know I can't help Reid and Garcia no more then he can.

"Thank God they're alright." Morgan whispers more to himself then to me.

"Thank God." I agree in a whisper.

A/n: On the phone, Reid hung up because he chickened out. He didn't want to ruin his life with'Marie' If its confusing I can explain it.


	3. Chapter 3

Has not been beta readed, so if theres runon sentences or whatever, sorry. Is somethings not clear, private message me and I'll try to explain it.

Here it is:

_2 Hours Later, E.P.O.V._

"Physically, there's nothing wrong with them. The M.R.I. showed nothing out of the ordinary."

"So why do they have amnesia?"Hotch demanded.

Dr Brennan flinched before continuing.

"Whatever they went through in that five week period was enough for them to dissociate themselves from their entire lives."

There was an awkward silence as we all took this in.

"They're um, actually cleared to leave now."She stammered as if afraid of Hotch yelling at her.

"Now?"JJ and Rossi asked at the same time. They glanced at each other then back to Dr. Brennan.

"I can't find anything else wrong with them. All I ask is that they be watched over and that they don't do anything dangerous if distracted."

"Why not?"I ask.

"Having a flashback while driving on the freeway can't end well."She explains.

"So you think they will remember eventually?"I asked hopefully.

"Dr. Reid told me he got Aaron's name from a dream. From what they told me, I'd say there's a pretty good chance of them eventually going back to normal. All you can do though, is wait for it to come back."

I was lost for words. I was just glad they were alive! Going to tell Reid's mother and father that he was missing had been heartbreaking.

"If that's all, I'll be bring them out to you. If you need anything feel free to call me."She handed Hotch her card and went to their room.

"Thank God they're alright."JJ whispered to me. Its what everyone had been thinking since we had found them.

"Can I hear all your names again?"Reid asked shyly from the doorway with Garcia behind him. He was still trying to protect her,"I just want to be clear on what I normally call you."

Reid and Garcia step forward, their eyes analyzing everything around them.

"That's Rossi, I'm JJ, this is Emily, this Hotch, and this is Morgan."JJ explains.

Garcia mouthed something to herself.

"What?"Morgan asks.

"I don't call you Morgan."It's not a question, its a statement.

"Do you remember?"Hotch asks quickly.

"Sweetness."Reid and Garcia say in unison. What does that mean? They both blush.

"Its a something I call you."Garcia explains. She keeps looking to each of us like shes searching for approval.

"Oh."Rossi throws me a look.

"You said I have parents. They are worrying they're heads off, and they will be until they see me. I need to get to Vegas."Reid said in a tone that obviously meant he was going whether we liked it or not.

Hotch nodded,"Of course Reid."

He immediately stiffened at the sound of his name, but relaxed when Garcia tightened her grip on his hand.

"So we'll go now?"Hotch clarified. Garcia nodded while looking up into Reid's brown eyes.

We took the stairs down, after Garica and Reid nearly freaked out at the sight of it.

"Whats wrong with elevators?"Morgan grumbled.

"There's six elevator related deaths not to mention ten thousand injuries that require hospitalization."He said quickly. I smiled to myself. Reid's back.

"You remember?"Morgan asked sharply. Reid stopped walking and closed his eyes,"Reid are you okay?"

"Shh!"He hushed Morgan.

_Re.P.O.V. _

"Shh!"I raised my finger to my lips. The voices swirl around me, calling for me to come to them. One rose above the all the others.

"_What, you're not scared are you?"_

"Reid-"Morgan interrupted, cutting off all the voices.

"Shh!"I ordered impatiently. Why did they even call me Reid?

"_I had a great time Reid."_

_I opened my eyes. JJ was sitting next to me on my leather couch. _

"_I did too."I stammered. I longed for her approval, craved it even._

"_You are really sweet. When you find the right girl, she'll know."She gave me a kiss on the cheek then grabbed her coat._

"_You're going?"I asked._

"_I have too. Thank you so much for taking me out tonight. Its the best game I've ever been too."_

_I nodded and smiled. She smiled back and then walked out the door._

"Reid, stop!"JJ's voice cut through it all. My eyes flew open. I was sitting on a waiting room couch. JJ was blushing deeply.

"Is that what happened after the Red Socks game?"Morgan asked. They were all looking at me with concern.

"I don't know."I answered,"Can we go now?"

"Sure."Hotch nodded. I stood quickly and followed them out to the parking lot. The desperate need to gain their approval was still there. Why did I have to gain that? Why did I want that?

More then that though, was the impulse to shield Marie, no Garcia from them. What was that? What did you call that? I knew that I should know. I fought the urge to hang back where the girls were talking just to stand between them.

"Kid whats wrong?"Morgan asked. JJ had said,'Y_ou are really sweet. When you find the right girl, she'll know.'_

Was this what love was?

"Nothing."That just earned me glances from all of them.

"You can tell me anything kid."

I felt the pressure of something sharp on my upper arm, like something was tied there. Then a sickening prick. I jerked away from Morgan and tried to take whatever was there off, but there was nothing there.

"What?"They asked with worry.

"I just-"I break off and look there. Nothing. No needle prick. I sigh and relief and start walking with them again.

Hotch led us to a black SUV and got in the driver's seat. Rossi got in front while everyone else piled in the two back rows of seats. Morgan and I got stuck in the back while the women got the middle row.

"Distract me."I said. I didn't want to think. Thinking caused questions and I didn't want any.

"You have an eidetic memory, you have an IQ of 187-"

"What?"I ask,"Did I hear you right?"

That was insane high. There was no way I had that.

"Trust me kid, you do. You can read, Emily, how fast can he read again?"

"I thought it was something like twenty thousand words per minute."She answered then went back to talking with JJ and Marie, no Garcia.

No. That's practically impossible. Twenty thousand words per minute?

"You know just about every statistic there is and..."He trailed off, probably thinking of something to tell me.

"_Think three moves ahead."A male voice said. _No image or face came.

"You put a ton of sugar in your coffee."

I knew that.

"Yeah. How do you drink it black?"I questioned. It was so bitter!

"I think its just you man."He was smiling. I mentally sighed in relief once the urge to please them was satisfied.

"What else can I tell the genius Dr. Spencer Reid?"He sighed.

"Dr.?"I was a doctor? No. They told me I was twenty seven.

"You studied Psychology in college."he explained.

"Oh."I said,"How old was I when I graduated?"

"Sixteen."

"That would mean I was twelve when I graduated from high school."

He nodded.

"You were."

Twelve? What was I? A freak of nature?

The pressure on my arm was back again. I brushed my hand over it. Again, nothing. It was still there. Prick. I wanted to get sick right then and there when I realized what it was. I put my hand over me mouth and closed my eyes. Nausea almost completely overwhelmed me.

"Reid are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine."I whispered.

"Hotch are we almost there?"He was extremely worried now. The speed of the car noticeably increased.

"Are you okay Reid?"JJ asked. I couldn't answer. Garcia's expression was one of pain. Rage immediately filled me. Her expression faded once she opened her eyes. She caught me staring.

"Just a flashback."She mouthed. I was hesitant to look away, but I had to, otherwise attention would be put on her. Prick. I doubled over and got sick on my shoes.

"Reid!"Morgan cried,"Hotch, pull over!"

"No!"I snapped,"Keep driving!"

I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and leaned my head back against the seat breathing heavily. When are they going to tell me?

"Reid, are you alright?"Hotch called from the frontseat.

"Keep driving!"I called back.

"Let me know if you need to stop."I don't hear him though. I'm listening to someone else.

"_We're animals Spencer. We feel things."_


	4. Chapter 4

This is a spur of the moment posting as it is Sunday Evening, so ignore any confusing sentences or misspellings. Sorry to keep you waiting.

* * *

Stop it! They will not hurt Garcia!

Why do they even call her Garcia? Why do I call her Garcia? Her first name is Penelope.

"Reid, are you okay?"Hotch asked as he slid into the seat next to me.

"No."I answered coldly,"My mother has schizophrenia, I used to be a drug addict and my father left me when I was ten."

"Reid-"

I cut him off and continued on my rant,"I can't remember my own friends, I can't trust my friends, I can barely remember my name much less Marie's, and I chose you to die."

"You were giving us a clue."Hotch said firmly. I looked up from the ground to him. He had never looked so serious.

"Clue?"I prompted him to continue.

"You were kidnapped my a man named Tobias who suffered from multiple personality disorder. You were giving us clues on where you were at."Hotch left no room for discussion on the matter.

He was silent for a long time then said,"Do you remember anything besides what you told me?"

"I don't really remember, there's just pieces of information."I admitted.

He nodded. Hotch didn't fill the silence. That God damn urge to please him was still there, but now it was worse, like I had to do it or nothing would be alright and I wouldn't remember anything and-

Prick. No not again. Nausea rolled over me like an endless wave. I pushed past Hotch and made it to the back of the plane just in time to be sick.

I didn't bother to close the bathroom door. God, just let it be over, I prayed.

"Alex!"Marie shouted after me. I didn't even bother to correct myself. My stomach lurched again.

"Are you alright?"JJ and Hotch asked at the same time.

"Yeah."I stood and leaned against the wall breathing heavily,"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alex?"Marie, no,** Penelope**, gestured to the very back of the plane. The others left us alone.

"Are you okay?"She asked softly.

"Yeah."I looked up at the ceiling and felt my face get hot,"No."

"I bet I can make you feel better."She smirked then pressed her lips to mine. Fire ran through my system, making my heart faster and reality fade. She should not affect me this way.

_We've only been engaged for three days, _I reason,_ And you only knew her for two weeks and four days before that._

I turn my attention back to her and forget that we're on a plane to Vegas.

"Reid?"Rossi asked groggily from behind me. I turned to him with a scowl on my was lying on the couch with a confused expression. He sat up and continued to wait for an explanation.

"Yes?"I asked defiantly. There was just something about him right now that made me hate his guts,"Do you need something?"

"What are you doing?"He finally asked.

"Hes kissing me."Penelope said with a smile. That stupid urge came back.

I blushed again and walked away from them quickly. Why do you act so stupid? Why do you even care what he thinks? I wanted to act without fear of being judged,but I just couldn't bring myself to do so.

The voices swirled around me again. I continued up to the front to the cockpit and sat down next to the pilot. I couldn't see his expression in the dim lighting. I closed my eyes and let it come.

"_Take that!"Someone snarled as he pushed me to the ground. I cried out and fell to the ground. My books flew everywhere._

_People were laughing all around me. I looked anywhere but them as I suppressed tears and picked up my books. Why did they always do this to me?What had I done to them?_

_My feet were ripped out from underneath me and more laughter erupted. I gave into tears and brushed past everyone after I picked up my books again. There was something wet on my lip, but I didn't care. _

_All I wanted to do was disappear. Why did this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?_

"Hey!"A man's voice called. I was in the cockpit with the pilot,"Kid, wake up!"

I was crying silently. Where the hell had that been? College or high school? They had looked to young for college.

No freaking wonder I want to please these people if that's what I went through in high school.

"Are you gonna be alright?"The pilot asked,"I heard what happened."

"The doctor says so."I answered,"I don't know if I want to remember though."

"Why don't you want to remember?"He inquired. Why did I even come up here?

"From what I know, my life has really sucked."

"But its really the only thing that can define you."The pilot argued.

"I'm engaged."I said.

"Don't you care what you've done and seen?"He finally said after a really long silence.

"I do,"I admitted,"But I'm scared."

"Its okay to be scared."

"No its not!"I shouted at him,"I **have** to please them!"

"Reid?"Morgan burst into the cockpit, nearly causing me to jump out of my skin.

"Everything is fine."The pilot said rudely,"Now leave so I can fly a plane."

Morgan reluctantly left us alone.

"What was that about?"I asked the pilot harshly. He shrugged and continued without answering my question.

"You have more right then any of them to be scared. You've been in three hostage situations that could've ended your life, you've been kidnapped twice, you grew up in a horrible environment, you're younger then anyone else here, you're a recovering addict, you've been shot in the leg, you have amnesia and somehow, through all this, you are still somewhat optimistic. That is what gives you the right."He explained.

I looked at him in horror. Am I a freak of nature? How can I be this accident prone and still be alive? Kidnapped _twice_. The odds of that are....so unlikely I can't even put it into words, and if I add in the other things, the odds are astronomical.

"Now, go. They probably won't let me keep you any longer."

As I went through the curtain I realized I would have to relive all this. Morgan and the others were all staring at me.

"Reid, I need to talk to you."Morgan motioned to the back of the plane. Apparently my shout had woken everyone up. I kept my gaze steadily on the floor. Everyone knew what I had said.

"You can tell me anything."Morgan was offering me a chance to explain my shout. I didn't want him to understand; he never would. What did he know? How could he possibly comfort me?

"Reid, you don't have to please us."Morgan said,"Sit down."

I stood defiantly,"Yes I do."

"You don't even know who we are. You should not have to please someone you don't know."

I sat down and looked away shamefully,"I feel like I have to."

"Kid, you just went through hell and back. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"You're right."I sighed.

"Kid, whats eating you?"Morgan leaned forward towards me just ever so slightly.

"I don't want to remember."

"Trust me, you do."

We sat in silence. What if he was right? What if the bad memories were worth the good ones? What if it was worth it to go through bad days to get to the good ones?

"We will be landing in five minutes."The pilot's voice rang throughout the plane.

"Lets go kid."

* * *

Reveiws please?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I don't own criminal minds. Never have, never will. Any mistakes are mine. And no, I didn't get the names at the end wrong if you're wondering. And yes, it is shorter(i think), but at least I updated, right?

"You all right kid?"Morgan asked me s we walked up the steps to the lobby. I nodded nervously.

"You'll be fine."Penelope reassured me. I was about to respond when I heard them.

"Spencer?!"My parent's voices nearly yelled. They ran towards me as fast as possible.

"_So tell us about the suspect."Morgan pressed. Would they think of me any different if they thought my Dad was a murderer?_

_I kept my gaze carefully away from them as I admitted it,"The truth is... I don't know anything about him."_

_I glanced to Rossi to find he was still paying attention._

"_Hes my father."I said. Shock flew across both their faces as they looked between each other._

The next thing I knew I was in the arms of my mother and a suspected murderer. Yet Morgan and Rossi were completely relaxed.

Was I wrong? Either way, I had to figure this out. I pulled away, leaving both my parents surprised.

"Spencer, is it true?"My father asked,"You don't remember anything?"

"No."I shakily answered. What if he had killed someone? Oh my God.

"Reid!"Hotch called from faraway. I opened my eyes to find Hotch and Morgan kneeling next to me.

"Hotch, what-"I broke off when my realization came back to me. Where was he? I jerked away from Morgan and Hotch and stood. The traitor that left my mother and I was trying to calm her down.

"Don't you touch her!"I hissed. He looked up at me in suprise, like I was the one doing something wrong.

"You heard me!"I strode toward him to be stopped by Penelope.

"Spencer, stop!"She ordered. I knew she just wanted for things to work out. I rubbed my eyes and tried to piece everything together.

"Did he kill anyone?"I asked Morgan. He looked confused for a second, then said,"No Reid, you were wrong."

So he wasn't a killer, but he had left us. Why was he holding Diana like they were together again? Were they?

"Spencer."My mother whimpered with tears in her eyes and came forward. Everything, the pain and broken promises, was worth it for this moment. I knew just how much I meant to her now.

"I love you."She whispered,"So much."

I knew if I spoke they would know I was about to cry. I spoke anyway,"I love you too."

I pulled away gently and she gave me a sad smile,"Thank God you're alright."

Everything about her flooded back to me in an instant, my letters, how scared she is off flying, the way she would read poems to me. I loved her more then I could've ever realized.

"Mom, I want you to meet Penelope. We're engaged."I waited for their responses. My dad looked shocked, like I thought he would, but my mom smirked.

"Well its about time."Diana said. I was puzzled. How would she know that? She must have seen my confused look, so she continued,"Shes all you would talk about in your letters."

Penelope blushed and looked at me,"Is that true?"

"Wait,"William was obviously still processing this,"Weren't you kidnapped?"

No one spoke and the silence dragged on awkwardly.

"William."Hotch gestured for him to go outside. Didn't I have the right to know? I let him go with Hotch anyway, because I probably didn't want to know.

I sat down with Garcia and my mom and the others left. We talked for a little, then William came back.

We talked for a good hour, going over everything. As soon as they explained something, a memory would come back. It hurt to relive my childhood, but I kept it together. The more I remembered, the more I wanted to go back to normal.

"Visiting hours are over."A nurse finally said. I glared at her, but she didn't leave.

"Reid, we'll be here tomorrow."William reassured. We rose from the couch and said our good byes.

"Spencer."My mother murmured,"I'm so proud of you."

"I'll be back tomorrow."I vowed,"As soon as I can."

"I know."She replied. I left as slowly as possible, but too soon I was back in the lobby with the team.

"See you tomorrow?"William offered. I nodded, knowing he meant no harm.

"Come on kid."Morgan said. We walked out to the car. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay all night there and talk.

"You get shotgun."Morgan shot me a grin as everyone else piled into the back. I heard ragged breath, and then I was there, looking at her.

"_Reid!"Elle shouted,"Leave me, I can take it! Save her!"_

"_Elle, I can't."I whispered. She winced again and held her ankle tighter._

"_Listen to me!"She hissed,"Hes going to kill you and her. Me and Gideon will be fine. Get the hell out of here and get help. Go!"_

"_I will be back."I promised. It nearly killed me, but I did it. I gave her once last glance and left her behind. Garcia was trying to hold it together like me when we heard Elle's scream in the distance. _

_My heart pounded, but I couldn't stop. I had to keep moving. My chest hurt, but I couldn't stop. I had to get her out, even if I died because of it. _

_I had to._


End file.
